Meehhh

I really don't feel like talking right now, but, whatever.  I probably should.  I haven't written anything in a few days.

I am actually partially dreading going back to school.  We're having a special assembly on Wednesday.  SickKids is sending in grief counselors.  Ugh.  I need a grief counselor, but I really don't feel like walking up to a total stranger and telling him that, "I need to talk about my grief."  Well, I kind of talked to total strangers about my grief today, but that was at a church I was visiting and playing a gig at, and they were having a "share about your summer" testimony thing, and I just felt like it.  Of course, they asked me if I wanted prayer after, and I couldn't say no.  I dislike praying one on one with people.  I'm cool by myself and in large groups.  Just not one on one.  

The tears are flowing easier now.  For the first little while, I acted like I was carved out of wood because I was just so shocked that I couldn't handle it.  I mean, read my post on the day of his death for goodness sake.  Talk about sarcastic.  To tell you the truth, this post is pretty sarcastic too, but that's because the grief comes and goes in waves, and seeing as I juts got back from a party, I'm fine.

It was a Sweeney Todd watching party :)  I love that musical!  I'm obsessed with pretty much all musicals, but the music in this one is really good.  The people getting their throats slit didn't really bother me way too much either, because the blood looked exactly like the cough medicine that makes me sneeze.  Thank goodness it was unrealistic.  However, there was a part that really did bothered me.  This was the part where a character gets shoved into the pie-making furnace.  *shudder*  It was absolutely TERRIBLE!  When I was little, I used to have Arsonphobia (fear of fire.)  I would wake up screaming and sobbing at least twice a week with vivid nightmares.  I knew as soon as I saw the open furnace in this movie that the character in question was going to be shoved in.  *shudder again*  I also hated the fact that people were eating other people.  Especially when Toby bit into that finger.  EURGH!

But I like the ending.  It was full of poetic justice.

I miss you Geoffrey.

Aftermath

Tomorrow is the visitation.

I don't know how I'm going to get through it.  All I know is that I really, really, really hope that it's not an open casket... Geoff was the most alive person I know... knew... KNOW!  I want to remember him in life, not in death.

Ending? or Beginning?

We, I suppose that my new blog is going to change.  It was suppose to record everything about the struggles of my friend as he battled cancer.  

He died this afternoon.

Shock.  It hasn't sunk in yet.  Thank goodness.  I can laugh right now, and I haven't started crying yet.  I feel like throwing up.

Two months, ha.

Today is August 24, 2008.  The day Geoffrey died.

Geoffrey Dykstra

July 8, 1993~ Aug 24 2008

The new blog

So, I started a new blog as well... this one's called Borrowed Time: Friend of a Cancer Victim, or something like that.  The point of this is that I'm probably going to be writing alot of innermost pondering, and I really don't want this blog to turn into the epitome of gloom and doom, because one has to get some respite from tragedy, right?  Anyway, there will probably be some entries the same in both blogs, and I'll update anything major on here.  Yeah.

http://rememberinggeoffrey.blogspot.com/

The link doesn't seem to be working... but I'll try to fix that.

Diagnosis

The answer to all our fears is simple.

1.)  Yes, it's cancer

2.) It's extremely aggressive

3.) It has spread to his bones

4.) It's non treatable.

5.) He has two months

So in short, he has extremely aggressive, non-treatable bone cancer and has two months to live.

This can't be happening

It never ends...

My friend has a probable diagnosis of cancer.

They don't know for sure, but he does have a massive tumour in his shoulder, and his body has been acting weird all of a sudden.  They think it's an extremely aggressive cancer.

I don't understand this.

I haven't done much ranting at God yet, but I will, especially if it does turn out to be a huge, cancerous, aggressive tumour.  Oh great, I'm starting to cry again.  He's only fifteen!  He doesn't deserve this, actually, he's be one of the LAST people I would say that deserves it.  He is the most hilarious, sweet, scarcastic, and goofy guy ever.  He was one of my best friends in elementary school.  He made life bearable for me when I was alone in grade five.

It just goes and goes and goes... it's the Year of the Cancer.  Three people I know have died from it, and two people (or, will be two when the diagnosis is firm) have been diagnosed with an extremely aggressive kind.  My dad's best friend, a kid at my youth group's dad, and a mentor from my Orchestra have all passed away.  My next door neighbour and family friend for as long as I can remember has cancer through her whole body.  And now this...

Not to mention my Nana nearly dying in February and my friend's best friend dying from cystic fibrosis...

It's too much.

We find out tomorrow.

Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog

Just a quick shout-out to tell about my new slight obsession... Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog.  It's this internet musical that is pure awesomeness, about an evil scientist trying to get into the Evil League, all the while trying to get through to the girl of his dreams, who happens to be dating his arch-nemesis Captain Hammer.  The Capt. is a real idiot, whose head is bigger than his ability. It was free on the net for a while, and now can only be bought on iTunes.  I LOVE IT!!!

Not only is it a really good story, but the characters are so real that you feel real sympathy for Billy (the Dr.)  The singing is Phenominal!! There's the one point when Billy and Penny (the girl) are singing a duet, and it's written and sung so beautifully that it sends shivers up my spine.  Yay!

The Trailer Is Here!

The End of the Holidays

So, after a lovely week away from civilization at my cottage (a pity there's no internet there or I would have written a lot in this blog) we come back home.  To a few surprises.

1.  The dog has a bladder infection.

2.  It's raining.  Really hard.  And we have to get our luggage out of the car.  Pity.

3.  There's something wrong with the cat.  He's got  bald patch on his neck, which we think comes from the fact that dad gave him the dog's flea meds instead.

4. The yard is flooded.

5. The heater is on!  In July!  The house is HOT!

6. The heater won't turn off!

7. The heater won't turn off because it is submerged with water (!) because...

8. The basement is flooded.

Oh well, we're all quite cheerful, and the repair man is nice.  The weather reminds me of the day we moved into this house... "It rained like you wouldn't believe!"  "We believe!"  We were so tired that we decided it was impossible to cook anything, so we ordered pizza, found out they didn't do delivery, went to get the pizza, got stuck in traffic, and found we brought home the wrong order!  Such is life! :)  And life is beautiful!

On a funnier note, some how some kind of seed has made its way into my worm farm, because it's sprouting something :)

Saying Goodbyes...

The problem with saying goodbyes is the pain that they cause.  Take the second last day of the school calendar, which happens to be the last full day of camp-out, which happens to be called Sob-fest, which is where the entire school gathers around a campfire and "reminisces"( aka tells funny stories) about the past year, the graduates, and the experiences they've had.  I don't cry at The Fest itself, because it's quite hilarious.  But afterward...

You see, the people that I have hung out with every school day for the past two years (minus a couple months at the beginning of grade nine) have all graduated.  No joke.  Holly, Allie, Beka, Andrea, and the new addition Laura have been my constant companions and shoulders to cry on.  I have shared tents with them, bus-seats with them, secrets with them, and mostly, my food with them :)  So the fact that they all have graduated makes me, well, almost like a fish out of water.  Of course, I won't be bumming around by myself, because a couple months from the end of the year, all the other awesome people at my school finally discovered how awesome we are (ha ha ha ha... RIGHT...) and started hanging with us.  So, I'll have these friends to be with. And Holly and Andrea are close by, and have promised to visit regularly.

Still, it doesn't matter.  It's not going to be the same, you know?  If I suddenly have a brilliant (or not so) musical idea, I won't be able to sidle up to Holly and expound.  No choruses of "Green Girl, because you are green, I shall oppress you!" in the hallways with Beka.  No Gollum voices from Allie, or Cake Song from Laura.  And no more mooching off of Andrea's nacho dip while she eats my healthy food.  I don't worry about being friendless, but I'm not happy either.  I guess that's what goodbyes are, really.  Thanking God for the good memories, and crying over the separation.  Because you know that even while your heart is breaking, life is beautiful.