Meehhh

I really don't feel like talking right now, but, whatever.  I probably should.  I haven't written anything in a few days.

I am actually partially dreading going back to school.  We're having a special assembly on Wednesday.  SickKids is sending in grief counselors.  Ugh.  I need a grief counselor, but I really don't feel like walking up to a total stranger and telling him that, "I need to talk about my grief."  Well, I kind of talked to total strangers about my grief today, but that was at a church I was visiting and playing a gig at, and they were having a "share about your summer" testimony thing, and I just felt like it.  Of course, they asked me if I wanted prayer after, and I couldn't say no.  I dislike praying one on one with people.  I'm cool by myself and in large groups.  Just not one on one.  

The tears are flowing easier now.  For the first little while, I acted like I was carved out of wood because I was just so shocked that I couldn't handle it.  I mean, read my post on the day of his death for goodness sake.  Talk about sarcastic.  To tell you the truth, this post is pretty sarcastic too, but that's because the grief comes and goes in waves, and seeing as I juts got back from a party, I'm fine.

It was a Sweeney Todd watching party :)  I love that musical!  I'm obsessed with pretty much all musicals, but the music in this one is really good.  The people getting their throats slit didn't really bother me way too much either, because the blood looked exactly like the cough medicine that makes me sneeze.  Thank goodness it was unrealistic.  However, there was a part that really did bothered me.  This was the part where a character gets shoved into the pie-making furnace.  *shudder*  It was absolutely TERRIBLE!  When I was little, I used to have Arsonphobia (fear of fire.)  I would wake up screaming and sobbing at least twice a week with vivid nightmares.  I knew as soon as I saw the open furnace in this movie that the character in question was going to be shoved in.  *shudder again*  I also hated the fact that people were eating other people.  Especially when Toby bit into that finger.  EURGH!

But I like the ending.  It was full of poetic justice.

I miss you Geoffrey.

Aftermath

Tomorrow is the visitation.

I don't know how I'm going to get through it.  All I know is that I really, really, really hope that it's not an open casket... Geoff was the most alive person I know... knew... KNOW!  I want to remember him in life, not in death.

Ending? or Beginning?

We, I suppose that my new blog is going to change.  It was suppose to record everything about the struggles of my friend as he battled cancer.  

He died this afternoon.

Shock.  It hasn't sunk in yet.  Thank goodness.  I can laugh right now, and I haven't started crying yet.  I feel like throwing up.

Two months, ha.

Today is August 24, 2008.  The day Geoffrey died.

Geoffrey Dykstra

July 8, 1993~ Aug 24 2008

The new blog

So, I started a new blog as well... this one's called Borrowed Time: Friend of a Cancer Victim, or something like that.  The point of this is that I'm probably going to be writing alot of innermost pondering, and I really don't want this blog to turn into the epitome of gloom and doom, because one has to get some respite from tragedy, right?  Anyway, there will probably be some entries the same in both blogs, and I'll update anything major on here.  Yeah.

http://rememberinggeoffrey.blogspot.com/

The link doesn't seem to be working... but I'll try to fix that.

Diagnosis

The answer to all our fears is simple.

1.)  Yes, it's cancer

2.) It's extremely aggressive

3.) It has spread to his bones

4.) It's non treatable.

5.) He has two months

So in short, he has extremely aggressive, non-treatable bone cancer and has two months to live.

This can't be happening

It never ends...

My friend has a probable diagnosis of cancer.

They don't know for sure, but he does have a massive tumour in his shoulder, and his body has been acting weird all of a sudden.  They think it's an extremely aggressive cancer.

I don't understand this.

I haven't done much ranting at God yet, but I will, especially if it does turn out to be a huge, cancerous, aggressive tumour.  Oh great, I'm starting to cry again.  He's only fifteen!  He doesn't deserve this, actually, he's be one of the LAST people I would say that deserves it.  He is the most hilarious, sweet, scarcastic, and goofy guy ever.  He was one of my best friends in elementary school.  He made life bearable for me when I was alone in grade five.

It just goes and goes and goes... it's the Year of the Cancer.  Three people I know have died from it, and two people (or, will be two when the diagnosis is firm) have been diagnosed with an extremely aggressive kind.  My dad's best friend, a kid at my youth group's dad, and a mentor from my Orchestra have all passed away.  My next door neighbour and family friend for as long as I can remember has cancer through her whole body.  And now this...

Not to mention my Nana nearly dying in February and my friend's best friend dying from cystic fibrosis...

It's too much.

We find out tomorrow.